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Romantic BanterWhen two people get together and ignite a spark, there’s a certain way of talking, a romantic banter that the two of them share. This romantic banter is unlike any other kind of conversation in that it is three things at once: playful, seductive, and aggressive. Think of the kind of banter that Shakespeare’s characters used on each other to indicate both attraction and a playful seductive attitude — as when Romeo tells Juliet “My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself / Because it is an enemy to thee.” Romeo is using language that is both symbolic and direct in order to flirt. This is romantic banter. There are three main types of romantic banter that are easy to identify. Here are their characteristics, and some examples of how to pull them off. 1. Playful Romantic Banter Sometimes two close friends get involved in a conversation that could be called “romantic banter”. In this case, it usually doesn’t mean the two are romantically interested in one another, although you could argue that all friends of the opposite sex are somewhat attracted to one another. When two people who are just friends start cracking jokes with one another and the pace of the conversation speeds up, you may find them in a kind of playful romantic banter. The best way to participate in casual romantic banter is to keep the pace of the conversation fast. The two of you are like two comedians riffing together on a theme, and the idea is to poke a little fun at the other person while being able to handle some harsh words yourself. 2. Subtle Romantic Banter When two people first meet, and they strike up a conversation that quickly turns toward the romantic, you will see clear signs of what I call “subtle romantic banter”. This includes plenty of eye contact, basic questions about one another that turn into clever jokes or gentle verbal jabs, and maybe even a little bit of sexual innuendo if the mood is right. The best way to determine if it is time to engage someone in subtle romantic banter is to figure out if they’re flirting with you. If you’re making eye contact, or making physical contact, it is probably the right time to start out with a simple question like “Where are you from?” Once you get your answer, provide your own, and one of the two of you shoots out a witty little reply, the subtle romantic banter has begun. Other good questions to start subtle romantic banter:
The simpler the opening question the better, in terms of subtle romantic banter. This is the quickest and least painful way to ask someone out — engage them in subtle romantic banter than slip in a question about going out. 3. Obvious Romantic Banter You’re only likely to see what I call “obvious romantic banter” between established couples or between people who are particularly aggressive, enthusiastic, or (let’s just say it) horny. Obvious romantic banter is, as the name implies, the most obvious form of romantic exchange, and usually indicates a high level of desire between the participants. Signs of obvious romantic banter include heavy sexual innuendo, lots of touching and eye contact, laughter, whispering, “low talk”, and the use of the kind of language that makes most people blush. So how do you jump into this kind of romantic banter? If you’re not inclined to talk to a partner or (yikes!) a stranger in this manner, you probably shouldn’t attempt it. This is the one kind of romantic banter that comes from within a person and if you try and manufacture the moment it usually won’t work. Romantic banter is necessary at the beginning of a relationship as well as during the course of it. Couples need to talk, and it shouldn’t always be serious talk, or the making of grocery lists and “To Do” lists. Mastering the art of romantic banter is difficult, but at least now you can recognize it.
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